My Dog

Kate,

I hope that you don’t often see mommy or me being sad. But I just felt like I had to write about my day yesterday. I’m not sure if I’ll ever let you read this particular entry, but for my own sake, I needed to put in on paper so I don’t forget the details of what happened.

On Sunday night, grandma and grandpa came to see you. During their visit, they mentioned Tupac, my dog of 9 years, was sick. My dad even said that he thought Tupac was getting too old and her time had come. I responded that she’s only 9 and dogs live up to 15 years. After they left, I felt really bothered and burdened but managed to put the thoughts to rest.

The next morning, grandma left me a voicemail saying that Tupac was doing worse and that I should check on her. They were headed for the airport and couldn’t do anything for her. I immediately scheduled an appointment at the vet. When I got to grandma’s house I saw Tupac lying on her side, immobile near the entrance to the garage. She wasn’t moving. I was heartbroken. I had never seen Tupac so subdued and broken. I picked her up and took her to my car. I noticed that ants were crawling on the side she was laying on. That made me even sadder that a dog as beautiful and majestic as Tupac was being overrun by insects.

Once we arrived at the vet, we waited to be checked in. The doctor said it would be best to leave her for a few days so they could run tests. His initial prognosis was that she was weak from dehydration and could be suffering from any number of illnesses. It was really difficult for me to leave Tupac at the vet’s office. The staff were friendly, but it was still stale and made of concrete. I wondered if she would miss her large yard where she normally chased birds and made sure possums didn’t get close to our house.

Shortly after leaving the office, I got a call later from the doctor saying that Tupac’s abdomen was irregular. He feared that it was something called Pyometra or even cancer tissues. The blood tests would reveal more the next day.

The dreaded results from the blood test came back and it was worse that I had feared. Everything that could be wrong was wrong. Everything that was supposed to be low was high and vice versa. She wasn’t peeing on her own. Not knowing what to do, I went to visit Tupac and check in on her.

I got there around 2pm and they got her ready for me to see. She was lying motionless. I asked the doctor if she was in pain. Fortunately she probably wasn’t. But Tupac just wasn’t the same animal. I called to her and she didn’t respond. I kept petting her and the doctor said she seemed to like it. I was in tears as I saw Tupac looking like a shell of her former self. After about 15 minutes, things took a bad turn. She went into cardiac arrest. The doctors and staff brought her back to life. I don’t want to go into the details of what happened next, but there was nothing we could do to save her.

I’m really going to miss her. She was an awesome dog and I’m lucky to say that she was our dog. Her personality was by far the best of any dog I’ve ever seen. She was charming, friendly, and caring. Strange words to describe an animal, but she was all those things and more. I’m scared my memories of her will fade. I’ll try hard to hold on to what I’ve got.

Santa Barbar, First Steps, and Baby on the Way

Kate,

It's been such a long time since I last posted. I wanted to make sure that I wrote soon after our trip to Santa Barbara two weekends ago. Mommy, you and I went up there for mommy's friend's wedding. She was helping a lot with the wedding so you and I got to spend a lot of time together.

We went swimming, practiced walking, and ate really good food. Coming home from the trip, I looked in the rear view mirror and saw mommy and you sleeping. I couldn't help but feel closer to you after that weekend. I'm so proud to be your dad. I told myself I wouldn't be like other fathers that show off their children to everyone, but I just can't seem to help it. I'm probably the worst of them all.

Even since two weekends ago, we've had some great moments together. You're able to take many more steps (around 10) without falling. You are so good at making people smile by making clicking sounds with your mouth, being generous with your "po-pos," and making a a funny face that just melts the room.

I can go on and on, but I'm just really grateful that we had a chance to spend some time together just you and I and I'm looking forward to more of those moments. And since this is the first post in a long time, we should note that mommy is about 11 weeks pregnant with your brother or sister. I think when the baby comes out, you and I will be spending a lot more time together.

High Five!!!

Kate,

I know I say this with each new entry, but I have to say it again. You are growing so quickly. I'm sad that I haven't been able to take video of you the way I want to. When I see you, I can't help but think about how beautiful and wonderful you are and I want to capture as many of your moments as I can so that I can share it with you in the future.

One noticeable change is that you give high fives now. For the past month and a half, you've shown how much you like to bang anything in your sight with your hands... whether it's your car seat, the coffee table, or all of your toys, you just seem to love the noise of your hand banging against any object. Well 2 days ago, I started putting my hand in front of you and surely enough, you decided to bang that as well. You're pretty consistent at giving me high fives now. Grandma and Grandpa came over last night and they were quite impressed.

Other changes are that mommy has you sleep trained now and you're able to go down by yourself and you also seem to be sleeping longer. *Sigh* My little girl is all grown up. You can semi-crawl, which is impressive considering just 2-3 weeks ago, you hated being on your stomach and mommy and I were wondering if you'd ever be able to flip yourself over. Well, that's no longer a concern and our real concern is whether or not we'll be able to keep up with you.

Kate, mommy and daddy just love seeing you grow. We love that you're healthy and most of all we're delighted that you seem to be happy.

Love,
Daddy

Just the Two of Us

Kate,

Yesterday, mommy had to take care of work stuff. So off she went to grandma's house. That left just you and me in the house starting at about 7 am. Thankfully, you let me get a little bit more rest and then I quickly showered and came back to see if you were awake (mommy let you sleep in our bed after you woke up for your early morning feeding).

I was reading when I heard you stir. I just moved towards you slightly and then you opened your eyes. You had that "hey, you're not my mommy" look on your face. After about 5 seconds of me smiling and you staring, I made a popping sound with my mouth and then you broke into your signature grin.

We visited Living Faith Chapel because we couldn't go all the way down to Fullerton. You were a good girl and took your solids very easily. The milk was a little more trouble. As soon as church was over, I showed you off to a few friends and then put you back in your stroller. The car was no more than 100 feet from the building but of course you were asleep before we even got to the car.

I guess nothing significant happened but I just wanted to write about our day together. I've only had a few opportunities to watch you by myself, which is probably best for your health and well-being. I just want you to know, all of the little things you do, they affect me. A day full of doing nothing is something I can cherish very easily as long as you're with me.

I'm sure we'll have very many daddy and Kate days. And I'm sure I'll cherish all of them.

-daddy

Bonding

K,

Over two weeks has past since I last blogged. During that time, Grandma and Grandpa (from daddy's side) have had a chance to see you several times. You also got introduced to daddy's uncle and aunt from Canada and mommy's uncle and aunt from Bakersfield. They all commented on what a good girl you are. Mommy and I couldn't agree more.

I may be biased but I so far I think you and I are building a really strong bond. You definitely recognize my voice and face. And so far, you don't laugh or giggle as hard for anyone else as you do for me. I secretly take so much pride and joy in knowing that I make you happy. When I walk into the daycare and you don't see me initially, I make a popping sound with my lips. It's a sound that you have been responding to since you were about a month old. I love watching your head snap around to look for me.

And just a week ago, grandpa (mommy's dad) was playing with you and trying to make you laugh. But of course you had your stern, serious look on your face. It's only after I made a funny face at you that a big smile came across your face.

Kate, my hope is that as the years go by, you and I are able to forge a strong relationship as father and daughter. I care for you deeply and want to protect you in every way possible. But most of all, I want to build a strong relationship so that when I talk about and share Christ with you, you'll understand where my heart lies.

love,
daddy

6 Month Check Up

K,

Mommy took you to the doctor today for your six month check up. Your head size was in the 50th percentile, your height stayed the same at 25th percentile (24.75 inches), and you lost s little bit of weight going from 75th percentile to 50th percentile from your last visit. The doctor thinks that it's because you're becoming more active. Mommy and I have to agree.

You are so different from just a month ago. You smile more, you laugh all the time, but the most noticeable difference is how physically active you are. It's funny because you can barely roll over (you first rolled over just about a week ago), but for some reason, you really like standing up. It's amazing that your legs can support you at all. But you are a terror on your jumparoo. Hopefully I will have some good video footage to show you when you're older.

Mommy also said the doctor recommended more tummy time. Right now, you don't really like tummy time so I'm hoping you won't be too grumpy with mommy when she puts you on your stomach. Hopefully you get the hang of it and then you start zipping around everywhere.

-daddy

First Entry

Kate,

Yesterday you turned 6 months. Both your mommy and I can’t believe how fast time has gone by. Even before you were born, you were the center of our thoughts, prayers, and conversations. Now that you are here in person, that is even more true.

Each day I’m amazed at your rapid growth. Sometimes I wish I could freeze time or even go back a few months just to enjoy you at your infant stages.

Kate, being your father has introduced me to a strange phenomenon. When I kiss you goodnight I know that I could not possibly love you more. But when I wake up in the morning, I love you and cherish you more than the previous night.

I’m so grateful that you are healthy. You provide so much joy to your mommy and me. Even though it seems like an impossible task, I’ll do my best to capture our emotions in words.

-dad